Friday, May 1, 2015

I would let in the moon (A Pantoum)


The last time I tried a pantoum, I was feeling mucky and complicated and my poem reflected that. This time, I resolved to write a small love song, and pare it down as much as possible.

A pantoum, it seems, can hold both moods---the rotating, repeating lines clarify the complicated and amplify the simple.



I would let in the moon
ere light floods
the room
and everything flies

ere light—flooding
fast the hole in my heart
where everything flies
into night; no keys lock

fast the hole in my heart
Dark as dusk, I swell
into night; no keys lock
you to me; only love,

dark as dusk. We swell
the room,
you to me, only. Love,
I would let in the moon.

           ----Sara Lewis Holmes (all rights reserved)


End notes:
Don't miss this magnificent post from Michael Rosen at Tricia's blog about form poetry.
And find all the Poetry Seven's pantoums here: Liz, Tricia, Andi, Tanita, Kelly, and Laura.

Poetry Friday is hosted today by Ellen at Space City Scribes.

7 comments:

  1. no keys lock
    fast the hole in my heart
    dark as dusk, I swell
    into night; no keys lock
    you to me; only love

    As much as I liked the tidal swell and pull, I like the locking mechanisms, the fumble of the key fitting, the tumblers turning (tumbling), the slide of the lock, loosening and opening...

    Okay, I hadn't realized just how suggestive it all is -- the longer I think about it, the more there is! (Heh. I'm sloooow.) I still don't think it's too much. You achieved your goal of a pared-down (but still so, so deep and sensuous) love poem.

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  2. " ...repeating lines clarify the complicated and amplify the simple." Exactly! Your love poem is exquisite!

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  3. Dark as dusk, I swell
    into night; no keys lock
    you to me; only love,

    dark as dusk. We swell
    the room,
    you to me, only. Love,
    I would let in the moon.

    Oh, swoon! How I love your sexy sex poem!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You did such a fine job of varying the repeated lines. The overall effect is so subtle, like an echo rather than a repetition. My favorite part is:

    I swell
    into night; no keys lock
    you to me; only love,

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  5. I think you exceeded your goal of "paring and making every word count", Sara. Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love your thoughts on this form. And I think you had perhaps the hardest challenge, writing so simply, yet powerfully. It's a thing of beauty.

    ReplyDelete

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