The last time I tried a pantoum, I was feeling mucky and complicated and my poem reflected that. This time, I resolved to write a small love song, and pare it down as much as possible.
A pantoum, it seems, can hold both moods---the rotating, repeating lines clarify the complicated and amplify the simple.
I would let in the moon
ere light floods
the room
and everything flies
ere light—flooding
fast the hole in my heart
where everything flies
into night; no keys lock
fast the hole in my heart
Dark as dusk, I swell
into night; no keys lock
you to me; only love,
dark as dusk. We swell
the room,
you to me, only. Love,
I would let in the moon.
----Sara Lewis Holmes (all rights reserved)
End notes:
Don't miss this magnificent post from Michael Rosen at Tricia's blog about form poetry.
And find all the Poetry Seven's pantoums here: Liz, Tricia, Andi, Tanita, Kelly, and Laura.
Poetry Friday is hosted today by Ellen at Space City Scribes.
no keys lock
ReplyDeletefast the hole in my heart
dark as dusk, I swell
into night; no keys lock
you to me; only love
As much as I liked the tidal swell and pull, I like the locking mechanisms, the fumble of the key fitting, the tumblers turning (tumbling), the slide of the lock, loosening and opening...
Okay, I hadn't realized just how suggestive it all is -- the longer I think about it, the more there is! (Heh. I'm sloooow.) I still don't think it's too much. You achieved your goal of a pared-down (but still so, so deep and sensuous) love poem.
" ...repeating lines clarify the complicated and amplify the simple." Exactly! Your love poem is exquisite!
ReplyDeleteDark as dusk, I swell
ReplyDeleteinto night; no keys lock
you to me; only love,
dark as dusk. We swell
the room,
you to me, only. Love,
I would let in the moon.
Oh, swoon! How I love your sexy sex poem!
You did such a fine job of varying the repeated lines. The overall effect is so subtle, like an echo rather than a repetition. My favorite part is:
ReplyDeleteI swell
into night; no keys lock
you to me; only love,
Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI think you exceeded your goal of "paring and making every word count", Sara. Well done!
ReplyDeleteI love your thoughts on this form. And I think you had perhaps the hardest challenge, writing so simply, yet powerfully. It's a thing of beauty.
ReplyDelete