April 1965
It is April, 1965.
She is my mother.
Later, in college,
I will have the same haircut
as hers—(except my bangs
will split at a cowlick)
Later, I will be blindsided
by blood and lose a baby—
as she did (except her losses
were many)
Later, I often parented
alone, like she did
(except I will flee
to her house where
every cooking pot is a toy
every fat wondrous bean
is eaten with glee
and ladybugs light
on my children’s fingers.)
Later, she will tell me hard
stories of her long-gone
mother (but only once,
and never again)
Later, she will return letters
I’ve written to her, gifting me
a history of myself
(nevertheless I will
often forget who I should be)
Later, much later,
I will fix her a plate
of food, and sing
a snippet of the song
she once sang to me,
to soothe my
fever dream (even though
my voice will break on the notes,
and she will eat hardly
any of the food)
But in this photo,
on this day,
I’m a heedless two-year-old;
Her arm curves over my lap,
keeping me from spilling
into the dirt.
It is April, 1965
and she is only
(but forever)
my mother.
------Sara Lewis Holmes (all rights reserved)
You can find my poetry sisters' vintage photos and poems here:
Poetry Friday is hosted today by Heidi Mordhorst at my juicy little universe.
Sara, this is beautiful. I love the stanza where you describe fleeing to her house with your own children. There are so many lovely memories here. I am sending you comfort and love in your time of loss. May her memory be a beautiful blessing for you.
ReplyDeleteOh, Sara, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom just a year ago — sending you hugs and condolences. What a beautiful poem, a touching tribute to your mother.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great poem, but oh so much more meaningful in light of your loss. I'm so sorry for you. It is a wonderful homage to your mother.
ReplyDeleteOh my!! This is so heartfelt and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for giving us a window to your heart.
ReplyDeleteDidn’t mean to be anonymous! This is Sharon ❤️
DeleteThis is really beautiful, Sara. It surely seems like God‘s timing that you were writing and reminiscing about your sweet mother just as she was heading to her final home. May this poem bring you great comfort as you remember your mother.
ReplyDeleteFrom Diane
DeleteAbsolutely beautiful, Sara. Love the telling details, revealing both joy and sorrow, innocence and knowing. So sorry for your loss. Sending love and hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteWe don't ever fully finish our conversations with our mothers, throughout a lifetime, I think. Wild toddler you remains in conversation with her even as thoughtful poet you had your own silent exchanges. And your leaving space in welcome to her in this poem, though her eyes closed before she could read it, is no less a conversation. She knew your heart where it counted: only, always, forever: your mother, with all the pride and wonder that entailed.
ReplyDeleteLove you, friend,
🪷t
Sara, how heartbreaking and how heartbuilding is this post and this poem. The parentheticals are somehow the most affecting parts for me. Thank you for managing to share it.
ReplyDeleteThe repetition of "later" as you lead us through your life with her always there, and then the heart-wrenching turn of "later, much later"...so powerful. I agree with Tanita's comment that our relationships/conversations with our mothers last a lifetime. I know your memories of her will continue to give you solace. Sending hugs of my own.
ReplyDeleteSara, I'm so sorry that your mother passed. There is absolutely no good time for that as someone earlier wrote, we never finish our conversations with our mothers. What a perfect time to be writing this poem. I can just imagine her entering it in her passing as you worked on it. Don't change a thing. It's perfect as it is.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss, Sara. Your poem is a beautiful tribute to your mother. Thank you for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteSara, my condolences on the death of your beautiful mother. What a poem and story about her enjoying your poetry from a distance. I love the present tense in talking to your mom, "I would've been okay with it, Mom" and "she is only (but forever) my mom" So lovely. Peace to you.
ReplyDeleteSara, I'm so glad you shared this beautiful poem.
ReplyDelete"Later, she will return letters
I’ve written to her, gifting me
a history of myself
(nevertheless I will
often forget who I should be)"
I think that's the best thing parents do. I'm so sorry for your loss. This poem makes me feel it keenly, which means you've exposed your heart in such a true way. Hugs to you.
My deepest condolences for your loss. What timing. The poem does not seem to need any editing from here. What a precious momento--full of powerful, poignant perspective.
ReplyDeleteSara, I also extend my sincere condolences to you. Your poem is touching and tender. Loss is a hard word to add to life. I know the April. feeling since my husband unexpectedly passed at the beginning of April.
ReplyDeleteOh my heart, Sara. This is utterly beautiful as is, and especially deeply felt in this context. Thank you for taking us into this photograph (and this relationship) with you. Holding you tenderly in my heart... xoxox
ReplyDelete